Nice Doesn’t Work With You People: RHONY, Reality & Receipts
It’s been a while since I was on here but I felt it might be an idea to use this blog to clear up a few things that seem super glued to my brain. I really thought I had but then I realised it might be more cathartic to write it, mull over it… and finally start showing my receipts. Now while it’s related to The Real Housewives of New York this isn’t juicy new season scoop, just a few facts some people are unaware of and my side of things. What’s on here is out there. I’m doing this for me, to clear away the cobwebs in my head. Look sure, who else reads this blog anyway?!
This post was prompted when I ended up losing a ton of old work on my laptop and I spent a night going through files to see what I had left. Thanks to phones and tablets and whatnot, my music, books and shows that I downloaded seemed okay but I was pissed off that I lost my receipts from my “RHONY connection.” A few survived. So I decided, why not make use of them now while you still have all that stuff on your mind rather than later when you look even thirstier than you already look and you’re more irrelevant than you already are? So here goes. Don’t tell my mum – I might be in my 30s but this kind of talk gets me into trouble.
About a month ago I did a Periscope where I spoke of my recent RHONY/social media drama and declared I would never speak of my former working relationship with Sonja Morgan publicly again but the video was gone after a day. I felt this need to explain it ALL! It’s in my nature that even if I look bad, I have to add clarity or background to a story. My problem was I couldn’t and I can’t. I was still feeling my feels after getting the boot from a Reddit sub for what I felt were confusing and inexplicable reasons, and I was emotional and a bit lost at sea because I trusted them. It was a safe haven for me in good times and bad because they saw a lot of my drama play out in real time.
I wanted to write or say something about this entire experience that I could use as a reference point, with the hope that putting it all together with a backup that I might be taken seriously.
You will never believe the full story but most of it is out there.
It’s amazing how one’s perspective can change over the years. Honestly I’ll never forget that night years ago watching part of the RHONY S6 reunion in the middle of the night and my employer at that time (out of the shaggin’ blue) refers to me on American TV as a “homeless girl in Ireland who does her Twitter” and was an “SEO expert.”
Host Andy Cohen was everyone watching:
And Sonja even promoted that moment. Well signed off on it, I posted it.
At the time I felt like she was standing up for me especially as Andy looked terribly confused and when the other Wives began to laugh at her she said it was nothing to laugh about. It took a long time, after publicly outing myself as the homeless intern before I realised I should have said nothing, explained nothing. There wasn’t a thing to be gained from admitting who I was although a couple of people knew. After talking to a lot of people and listening to their take on things I now feel she had no reason to bring me into it. Basically, I was a scapegoat. I didn’t mind that but nowadays I wish she left the homeless part out.
For the record regarding that whole comment –
- I wasn’t waiting for her to sign off on a Tweet about Luann or anyone else.
- I did more than her Twitter!
- I had attempted to interview her on her “fashion sense” for a site I wrote for but that had taken place 9 months before the reunion was taped and the re-writes she wanted would have taken ages so I dropped it.
- And I wasn’t exactly homeless, although I stayed in a shelter. I explained this to people and how it works in Ireland – I was classed as a homeless person. At the time (well in the first place I was in anyway) I considered myself blessed to have a roof over my head, with food and a bed.
Sonja wasn’t aware of any of that. Actually, she never knew much about my personal life except a few bits and pieces I shared in vulnerable moments. I also want to note that reunion was taped about 6 months after I left that accommodation, two weeks before Christmas. I know exactly when it was because I told her “I think I might end up homeless” on my father’s first anniversary. I only told her because I didn’t know if I could keep up the daily work I was doing but didn’t want to lose the gig.
I never really cared about it much. It was never a malicious act. I don’t think I feel anything at all now to be honest, even though I initially embraced it and it was my “flair” on Reddit. It was four years ago and that part is very much in the past to me. Although it feels longer, it’s just over a year since we fell out. Our transatlantic professional relationship was successful in my opinion because we communicated frequently (texts, emails) and content went out in time… more or less.
That stopped. I was off social media and onto a website project I must have spent 100 hours on because I can just about put together a template website and needed help. I enjoyed it and was hoping one day I could look at the finished product and say “I made that”. It also gave me a chance to flex my SEO muscles.
Initially, she was happy with the work, then she told me her partner thought it looked “too cookie cutter”. This was a pity but I needed more than that to make changes. I felt I was wasting both my time and hers if I didn’t get feedback. It was only a month after I quit I realised I’d started asking for feedback in late August – 6 months or thereabouts. When there is a break in communication on any project it is doomed to fail.
She explained she was incredibly busy and I felt bad about confronting her. She told me she turned down an interview with Forbes because she hadn’t time. When I saw the following day she did the interview and hat been going to Fashion Week and the Hamptons, I officially had it. I was furious.
From the moment I tweeted, I was ready for the consequences. I had been working for her/doing work (whatever she wants to call it) for her since May 2013 and things had come to a head. Someone talked me off a ledge and I took the tweets down. But yes, I wanted to piss her off. It sounds super petty and I deliberately baited her by acting unprofessional because I felt she needed a taste of her own medicine, but there’s more to it than that. I had devoted so much of my time to working with her on social media, the website and I realised that it had just slipped through my fingers, and ultimately I had gotten nothing from it to use to further my career which was the point of our professional relationship.
I wasn’t done being stupid. I took it out on Facebook with a selective group, one of the DUMBEST things I have ever done and is pulled buckets of truth tea. From my point of view I’d already spread the positive, now it was time to tell the other side – from my perspective.
But it leaked. Link below.
I have NEVER bad-mouthed my job, my colleagues, my bosses or anything work related on the interwebs – that’s how angry and disgusted I was. I must stress it wasn’t intended for public consumption (I blocked our mutual friends but forgot to block a blogger). I did tell my truth and I said it in part as an admission to my family that they were right. I had privately expressed frustrations and they told me to leave. It took being lied to and catching her out for me to crack.
When it was published I felt more upset about letting myself down and the effect it would have on my family. But Sonja had every right to respond and as you can see at the end of the article she replied by saying it wasn’t a story (true); I was a nut (ouch, but not totally inaccurate), I was a small town girl looking for attention (yes Limerick isn’t Manhattan but if I want attention it’s for my work – not my tea). It was pretty much what I thought she would say. I never actually said she was the boss from hell or a horrible boss, the link quotes me in full but I didn’t fear for my life either!
However, I’d be lying if I said the things she said behind my back that got back to me didn’t hurt. She tried to make out to others that I was looking for help from her when in fact I had just been looking for a reference – nothing more – and she said I was sad because I couldn’t get a job because I was 30. I was a “long story.” You and me both sister!
Which is weird because all this was on TV (that is 27 year old me)
She is, undoubtedly a liar. You don’t post for people on Twitter for years without knowing the following is blatantly untrue
We know she’s shady because this is from S8 and it was during that time I was dealing with website crashes and some social media. I’m glad these interns were mentioned but what of the others? I saved it because I was bulling. Anyone who has ever put in a hard day’s work should be credited – not others. I didn’t know anyone else during that time looking after her site and it was beyond my capabilities which I made abundantly clear.
My perspective in the last eight months on ALL of that has completely changed. I remain extremely grateful to her for taking me on – but I must emphasise there’s only so many times you can express gratitude and acknowledge the kindness bur it’s NOT conditional. Write that down Tinsley Mortimer.
I often spoke positively and as truthfully as I could publicly. She acknowledged it by responding to many of my Tweets and retweeted some. I don’t take any of that back, I wasn’t lying. And she was very sweet on Twitter. It’s easy to forget that.
I’d never gone directly to the media to publicly give an insight into what life was like working for her before or after but I felt it would be a final farewell to do so when I was invited to Kate Casey’s Reality Life podcast to talk about that time. I decided it will be just fun to talk about it for once in my life on a podcast where it would be insightful, funny and light and then let it go for good. I didn’t give it all up to Kate – there are certain things that I held back on that were going on in my life at the time but thanks to Kate I could look back on something that happened years ago (that is, being in the townhouse, nOT working from Ireland) and remember it fondly.
Back in 2015, I was invited to do an AMA on Reddit and while initially nervous I was very flattered because I didn’t think I was any sort of celebrity or anything like that and I still don’t. While many people are nice I believe most who don’t know me are more interested in who I am connected to and how and the stories and gossip. I did spend a lot of time back the refuting some of the rumors about her home, her life, the men in her life, her drinking, her heating, her basement, her businesses, etc. but kept former colleagues out of it out of respect for their privacy. I started posting a lot there but honestly, a lot of it was speculative, a lot of it was standing up for her (against her at times after we fell out) and I was asked a lot of questions. I didn’t know what was going on during filming or what her relationship was like with the other women. And I said I didn’t know about Tom – and that became a thing, even though it’s perfectly logical I wouldn’t know the guy!
Then last year Reality Tea did an article on the Reddit posts of an “alleged intern” and the shit hit the fan. Mea maxima culpa. I apologized but then I heard from her and her attorney
“My lawyer and Bravo PR are going to contact you regarding a cease and desist and we are blocking all accounts
You were not an intern nor an assistant. You are merely seeking attention and exploiting our media.
I was in a very very dark place after that. She said I was never an intern or an assistant. So what was I? And some of the comments under the article pierced the really thin skin I have. I did bring it on myself but people took so much at face value and I sounded like an ungrateful bitch.
Some people on Reddit felt I talked about her her too much. I agree. Once I started posting there was a lot of questions and then drama after drama. My real life wasn’t like that. To me, it was a space. Sonja’s name does not come up with family or friends.
As I didn’t want to talk about it anymore I waited for a long time to say anything – on Reddit, even offline to the closest people around me. Then I got a blow a couple months ago when I was blocked for talking about her, although I was doing so considerably less! I was apparently warned (I don’t remember that happening) I was accused was referring to was hanging on her coattails (if they only knew!) and the honest to God truth is that she is no more impressive to me as some if my other employers. She is just someone on TV! No one cares here. It doesn’t mean the same over here in Ireland that it does in the US where these shows are naturally more popular. Plus since the last bout of drama, I’d begun talking about other shows and other Wives. I was back to being a regular fan, but even though I changed my flair I was still the homeless Irish girl.
My honest intention was never to hang on coattails or get “fame” – I mean what would I do with either? It doesn’t pay my bills, it doesn’t get me a man and doesn’t male my meals or help me feel happier.
For the record, I never took the Facebook post down. It’s a reminder to me never to do something like that again because there are other ways of telling the truth.
I’m over the hump but I won’t lie – the last two months of last year and the early months of this year have been very difficult to deal with. I began to hear Sonja was referring to me as someone with no life, uneducated, that it appeared I was overly dedicated to her every whim and it was pathetic, that I was crazy, and… suicidal.
Whatever way Sonja sees me, I’m not uneducated, and I’m not crazy or suicidal. She can rent a truck with amplified speakers, drive it around the UES and say what she wants about me but she crossed a line.
The worst part of it is that I feel very few (if anyone) in my life takes it seriously. And I just want to ask you this: if left your job and former boss started talking shit about you and your personal life despite the fact that you did a competent job what would you do? How would your feel? I had NO protection at any time from what she could say to me or about me. It was devastating. Around that time I read the cameras were rolling for S9 and then heard from Kate that I am may be part of a storyline. I don’t want to be and I hope if I’m referred to it’s cut. I feel bad that her assistant is being talked about all over the Internet when I’m sure he is there to do a thorough and competent job. People’s perceptions are often cruel or flippant online and they never realise we aren’t really in the show (I was for 2 seconds!) – it’s all about the Housewives.
I started to think about taking legal action in January. I’m not exactly rolling in dough but I did speak with a Manhattan attorney. I just wanted it to be over, especially because I was juggling an illness and work. The only place where I could even hint about how bad this had gotten was over at Reddit. I couldn’t tell anyone the full story. The only ones who know are my brother and mother. If you knew it all it’d make sense why today, years later I’m talking about this. Eventually, I decided to drop it and continue to move on with my life.
I’m definitely the kind who likes to confront a person directly when I hear they’ve talked about me behind my back but I decided it was too much and it might be just as well to take a step back. As I watch the show I know I made the right choice.
If you check out the podcast (Jon Gosselin is also on!) you’ll hear that my world is very different from how I come across online. That I HAD moved on and couldn’t say much. That since last March there’s been one drama after another – but I have played my own part in it.
People say it’s a long time ago but the truth of the matter is that I finished working for her in March of last year and the feud and back and forth went on for a lot longer than that – on both sides and long after I stopped THINKING about her. She just did it privately. It was only this year that my mother overheard a conversation with someone that she realised the damage Sonja was doing and the impact it had on my current life.
I can’t talk about what dragged back me back into the world of RHONY but it was a combination of choice and opportunity. I knew in my heart that there may be consequences at some point and I have yet to see them play out. I’ve not heard anything so far which is good.
Here’s my stop. I feel exhausted which is good. Sometimes I wished I’d never packed my bags for Manhattan but the weird thing is I don’t regret it. Experience forms who you are and I’m not great, but I ain’t bad.